And visit:
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Monday, September 14, 2009
Kim's Top Picks #1 of One: Best Hair Stylist & Makeup Artist: New York's Own Lydia Fierro
This is the first in a series I will be doing on my Top Picks.
I've been going to Lydia for over 7 years now. For me the most impressive thing about her is that she really "gets" what I want when I'm there. I believe that her listening skills are the key to her success as a stylist. Lydia's abilities as a colorist are extraordinary. Her attention to detail is unparalleled. She is a true artist and a perfectionist. Her eye is a sharp as it can be - she sees every hair on your head and never settles until she is sure everything is as it should be.
I've asked Lydia to allow me to post her professional bio, which is below. If you are interested in getting in touch with Lydia please email her at Lydia511@mac.com or call her directly at 917-363-9618.
Lydia Fierro has been a hair stylist since 1990 and in New York City for 13 years. She has been trained by some of New York’s hairstylists including Mark Garrison, Nick Arrojo, and Rodney Cutler. Always staying on top of the latest trends she attends the Loreal academy for advanced color classes and the Tony and Guy Academy for both cut and color classes.
She currently works at on Madison Ave on the Upper East Side at the Yossi Hair Salon. There she attends to a loyal clientele where she cuts, colors and styles hair. No matter how long you have been a client of Lydia’s she will always takes the time for a full consultation.
She encourages her clients to bring picture of styles they like and carefully listens to their suggestions and concerns. When not in the salon she is most likely working on TV shows like NBC’s The Today Show, TLC’s One Week to Save Your Marriage. She has also done commercials such as, Stride Gum, Bank of America photo shoots for magazines like Parent and Child, Quince. She also works on live events like New York Times, Arts and Leisure. She has styled celebrities such as Martin Short and Larry David.
Creating up-styles and glamorous evening hair is one of Lydia’s favorite parts of her career. When not in the salon she can often be found at weddings and other special occasions.
Lydia welcomes new clients with an initial free consultation prior to booking that first appointment. From there your relationship will develop and you feel like you are visiting a friend.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
The Thermostat & The Hole
~This is my first posting as a guest blogger on AdHustler.com
A few years back I made a slew of cash in a very short amount of time. I was working at a hedge fund and I received a sign on bonus as well as two more generous ones over the year.
Having grown up with a mom who always struggled with money I remember feeling a little unusual about all the money I was making. Not that I didn’t love every minute of it; because I did. It was remarkable to not have to bring out a calculator every time the urge to purchase something came about. Yet I found it to be somewhat unfamiliar and even at times a little nerve-wracking grappling with the question, “How did this change in circumstances just like that – occur?!”
And I was also aware of my concern that it might all disappear – just like that. Other people who receive a lot of money at once sometimes have an opposite reaction they start to feel as though it will always continue and they will never run out. But I felt more of a kinship with the infamous stories of lottery winners that within a short time ran through their money. Why was that?! I sure as heck didn’t want to be one of them.
Being an affiliate marketer you might be experiencing some of these thoughts yourself. Shocked, excited, and or anxious and nervous that it won’t last so you are spending it like a little kid in a candy shop – scooping up all the candy you can carry home. Who can blame you? It’s new and it feels good to show off in front of your buddy what you have created for yourself. I’m all about celebrating yourself and your wins but as a life coach I’m here to make sure that you also keep earning the money and that you don’t go and blow it all at once on candy that will just get you sick of in a few days or months.
Back to the lottery winners who in a short amount of time go right back to an empty bank account. I now know that the reason this happens is that what is believed in our unconscious is what will determine our circumstance. There is a pre-set thermostat that lives inside all of us which is our self-image. If we want money and abundance to continue in our life – we need to examine the beliefs we have about it being in our life in the first place. We have to take a look at our self and see if we truly feel having it feels like it fits, is familiar and/or is what we have perceive as normal and if it doesn’t; than no matter how much external effort we exert – including will power - will ever be able to keep it from slipping through our hands. Eventually our pre-set thermostat will take us back to what it considers our “setting” unless we re-wire the setting on that thermostat. As a coach this is one of the first things that I ask people to take a look at, what are their limiting beliefs? Having those beliefs brought into the light has a remarkable ability to stop them dead in their tracks.
Additionally what is also interesting is that in spite of the money and any new found bling -we might find that we feel empty inside. You hear about it all the time someone buys a hot new car and has a fab new apartment and yet they still don’t feel good about themselves. So they keep numbing out either with shopping, food, drink, drugs and/or sex. They aren’t even enjoying any of those things –it is just this fruitless attempt to fill what feels like a hole inside. Again this is about our self image. As Maxwell Maltz, MD says, “Self image - it is the common denominator.” In the book, The New Psycho-Cybernetics he discusses that “To really live and find life satisfying you must have an adequate and realistic self-image that you can live with. You must find your self acceptable to you. You must have a wholesome self-esteem; a self that you can trust and believe in; a self that you are not ashamed to be and one that you can feel free to express creatively rather than hide or cover up.”
So if indeed you struggle with feeling inadequate or unacceptable realize you are in the majority. We all struggle against feelings of inadequacy but our peace of mind is closer that we realize. It will take some effort but not nearly as much as one would imagine. There are terrific books available to help you to get clarity; as well as personal development courses and even one on one coaching. All of them will on differently levels make you aware of your limiting beliefs.
If you feel you have identified with some of what this posting is addressing the first thing I want you to do is celebrate yourself and acknowledge how self aware you are and that you are indeed “awake.” It takes courage to admit it to yourself; now you need to take the next step. Whether it is buying a book taking a development course or hiring a coach; the key is to keep going. Don’t stop. You are more than half way there. Winston Churchill said it best; “If you find yourself going through hell, keep going.” It might get hot but you will have your thermostat permanently re-set where you want it for the rest of your life. And that is worth more than any bling I’ve ever seen.
Thanks again to Brandon Hoffman aka Ad Hustler for letting me be a guest blogger on www.adhustler.com. Brandon is the King of Affiliate Marketing - if you want to know more about affiliate marketing check out www.adhustler.com
A few years back I made a slew of cash in a very short amount of time. I was working at a hedge fund and I received a sign on bonus as well as two more generous ones over the year.
Having grown up with a mom who always struggled with money I remember feeling a little unusual about all the money I was making. Not that I didn’t love every minute of it; because I did. It was remarkable to not have to bring out a calculator every time the urge to purchase something came about. Yet I found it to be somewhat unfamiliar and even at times a little nerve-wracking grappling with the question, “How did this change in circumstances just like that – occur?!”
And I was also aware of my concern that it might all disappear – just like that. Other people who receive a lot of money at once sometimes have an opposite reaction they start to feel as though it will always continue and they will never run out. But I felt more of a kinship with the infamous stories of lottery winners that within a short time ran through their money. Why was that?! I sure as heck didn’t want to be one of them.
Being an affiliate marketer you might be experiencing some of these thoughts yourself. Shocked, excited, and or anxious and nervous that it won’t last so you are spending it like a little kid in a candy shop – scooping up all the candy you can carry home. Who can blame you? It’s new and it feels good to show off in front of your buddy what you have created for yourself. I’m all about celebrating yourself and your wins but as a life coach I’m here to make sure that you also keep earning the money and that you don’t go and blow it all at once on candy that will just get you sick of in a few days or months.
Back to the lottery winners who in a short amount of time go right back to an empty bank account. I now know that the reason this happens is that what is believed in our unconscious is what will determine our circumstance. There is a pre-set thermostat that lives inside all of us which is our self-image. If we want money and abundance to continue in our life – we need to examine the beliefs we have about it being in our life in the first place. We have to take a look at our self and see if we truly feel having it feels like it fits, is familiar and/or is what we have perceive as normal and if it doesn’t; than no matter how much external effort we exert – including will power - will ever be able to keep it from slipping through our hands. Eventually our pre-set thermostat will take us back to what it considers our “setting” unless we re-wire the setting on that thermostat. As a coach this is one of the first things that I ask people to take a look at, what are their limiting beliefs? Having those beliefs brought into the light has a remarkable ability to stop them dead in their tracks.
Additionally what is also interesting is that in spite of the money and any new found bling -we might find that we feel empty inside. You hear about it all the time someone buys a hot new car and has a fab new apartment and yet they still don’t feel good about themselves. So they keep numbing out either with shopping, food, drink, drugs and/or sex. They aren’t even enjoying any of those things –it is just this fruitless attempt to fill what feels like a hole inside. Again this is about our self image. As Maxwell Maltz, MD says, “Self image - it is the common denominator.” In the book, The New Psycho-Cybernetics he discusses that “To really live and find life satisfying you must have an adequate and realistic self-image that you can live with. You must find your self acceptable to you. You must have a wholesome self-esteem; a self that you can trust and believe in; a self that you are not ashamed to be and one that you can feel free to express creatively rather than hide or cover up.”
So if indeed you struggle with feeling inadequate or unacceptable realize you are in the majority. We all struggle against feelings of inadequacy but our peace of mind is closer that we realize. It will take some effort but not nearly as much as one would imagine. There are terrific books available to help you to get clarity; as well as personal development courses and even one on one coaching. All of them will on differently levels make you aware of your limiting beliefs.
If you feel you have identified with some of what this posting is addressing the first thing I want you to do is celebrate yourself and acknowledge how self aware you are and that you are indeed “awake.” It takes courage to admit it to yourself; now you need to take the next step. Whether it is buying a book taking a development course or hiring a coach; the key is to keep going. Don’t stop. You are more than half way there. Winston Churchill said it best; “If you find yourself going through hell, keep going.” It might get hot but you will have your thermostat permanently re-set where you want it for the rest of your life. And that is worth more than any bling I’ve ever seen.
Thanks again to Brandon Hoffman aka Ad Hustler for letting me be a guest blogger on www.adhustler.com. Brandon is the King of Affiliate Marketing - if you want to know more about affiliate marketing check out www.adhustler.com
Soft Soft Soft
Want him to be more of a man? Try being more of a woman.
~Coty Perfume Ad
I've had a few experiences recently that have troubled me. I've been witnessing a lot of women telling their men what to do. At parties, on the subway, and even in public on the street. And not in a "Hey this is what I need and what do you need from me, honey?" sort of way but in a "This is HOW you do it, if you want to do it RIGHT" sort of way. It's brutal. And I find it emasculating. It's as though these woman are their man's mother; not their partner.
Last week walking down the street I asked a couple who were pushing a carriage for directions to a restaurant. I happened to direct the question to the guy. He started to tell me how to get there, when his wife interrupted him to tell me the "better" way to go. I looked at her thinking; "Are you serious?" But she didn't notice. Then I looked at him and saw a look on his face of resignation and apathy. Clearly he had been through this before and wasn't surprised by her interruption.
Now I realize this isn't every woman out there. And I also know that there are men that do this very thing to their women. But I've been surprised at how many women seem to be doing this to their men. I believe this is due to what is known as the "Wonder Woman" syndrome. I first learned about this from author Laura Doyle years ago. She wrote an amazing book (which I featured in my first blog posting) called The Surrendered Wife.
Women are incredibly capable. We keep so many balls up in the air at once. We are always juggling and are so good at it, that sometimes we ride rough-shod over our man because we are so busy being busy and doing it all. We start to act as if it ALL depends on us. And sometimes it feels like it does. But in actuality, it doesn't. But living as though it does - we create a very lonely world to live in as well as a world where we do all the work.
When you think that your way is the right way - or the only way, who wants to come up to bat when it's guaranteed that their contribution will be shot down. Ask yourself - and be honest - is it possible that you are blocking the very contribution you seek? Have you pushed help away because it didn't show up in exactly the way you wanted it to show up?
How about compliments? Do you receive them? The last time your man offered you a gift did you gracefully receive it? Or tell him he couldn't afford it? When he offered to help you with a errand or task, did you tell them him e-x-a-c-t-l-y how he should do it? When he complimented your hair, dress or figure? Did you respond that it really wasn't all that? These are some examples of not receiving. Try stepping into receiving and gratitude. Take it all in -as it is given - and enjoy it without critiquing it or him. Don't control it - just let it arrive and softly land.
So what comes first the chicken or the egg? What if you are walking around with the belief "It all depends on me!" You know the saying about self-fufilling prophecies, don't you? Perhaps if you let it go and surrender - he will organically start to do what he needs to do and I wouldn't be surprised possibly even more.
Nobody likes to be bossed around. Everyone resists it. Nobody likes to be told how to live; not to mention how to clean the dishes. Stop trying to fix and make everything perfect around you. If your man won't do something then let it not get done. You don't have to fix it.
Let those socks sit in the living room. Let the chips fall where they may. Eventually it will need to get addressed and who says it has to be you? Do you really want to go down in the history books as the Town Crier of the family? You already know darn well that nagging doesn't make it happen.
If you let things go - here is what you will discover: More time for yourself. More baths. More relaxation. Less worry and stress. And more love. You will start to see change. It might not show up immediately but it will come. If you surrender; and let go it will come. Alliance is the opposite of dictatorship. Align with your man and reap the rewards. And if you find that receiving is actually too difficult to do on your own then consider bringing on a coach to help you access it.
Do let your man play, change the diaper, feed, talk, be with, the children his way. He isn't ever going to show up with the kids the way you do - nor should he. He has his way of showing up. Let him be himself.
Let the guy drive when he is driving. No short-cut advice. No, "we should have taken that highway" recap. Let it go. Relax. Get to the party 15 minutes late. It isn't worth the price of telling your man that you don't trust him to get you there all on his own.
When your man shares with you his distress or confusion regarding a choice he must make at either the office or with his friends, resist the urge to solve it, instead tell him you trust his judgment and will support him in his decision. And then do so.
Read the Surrendered Wife by Laura Doyle and learn what it is like to surrender and receive all that you are saying you really want!
~Coty Perfume Ad
I've had a few experiences recently that have troubled me. I've been witnessing a lot of women telling their men what to do. At parties, on the subway, and even in public on the street. And not in a "Hey this is what I need and what do you need from me, honey?" sort of way but in a "This is HOW you do it, if you want to do it RIGHT" sort of way. It's brutal. And I find it emasculating. It's as though these woman are their man's mother; not their partner.
Last week walking down the street I asked a couple who were pushing a carriage for directions to a restaurant. I happened to direct the question to the guy. He started to tell me how to get there, when his wife interrupted him to tell me the "better" way to go. I looked at her thinking; "Are you serious?" But she didn't notice. Then I looked at him and saw a look on his face of resignation and apathy. Clearly he had been through this before and wasn't surprised by her interruption.
Now I realize this isn't every woman out there. And I also know that there are men that do this very thing to their women. But I've been surprised at how many women seem to be doing this to their men. I believe this is due to what is known as the "Wonder Woman" syndrome. I first learned about this from author Laura Doyle years ago. She wrote an amazing book (which I featured in my first blog posting) called The Surrendered Wife.
Women are incredibly capable. We keep so many balls up in the air at once. We are always juggling and are so good at it, that sometimes we ride rough-shod over our man because we are so busy being busy and doing it all. We start to act as if it ALL depends on us. And sometimes it feels like it does. But in actuality, it doesn't. But living as though it does - we create a very lonely world to live in as well as a world where we do all the work.
When you think that your way is the right way - or the only way, who wants to come up to bat when it's guaranteed that their contribution will be shot down. Ask yourself - and be honest - is it possible that you are blocking the very contribution you seek? Have you pushed help away because it didn't show up in exactly the way you wanted it to show up?
How about compliments? Do you receive them? The last time your man offered you a gift did you gracefully receive it? Or tell him he couldn't afford it? When he offered to help you with a errand or task, did you tell them him e-x-a-c-t-l-y how he should do it? When he complimented your hair, dress or figure? Did you respond that it really wasn't all that? These are some examples of not receiving. Try stepping into receiving and gratitude. Take it all in -as it is given - and enjoy it without critiquing it or him. Don't control it - just let it arrive and softly land.
So what comes first the chicken or the egg? What if you are walking around with the belief "It all depends on me!" You know the saying about self-fufilling prophecies, don't you? Perhaps if you let it go and surrender - he will organically start to do what he needs to do and I wouldn't be surprised possibly even more.
Nobody likes to be bossed around. Everyone resists it. Nobody likes to be told how to live; not to mention how to clean the dishes. Stop trying to fix and make everything perfect around you. If your man won't do something then let it not get done. You don't have to fix it.
Let those socks sit in the living room. Let the chips fall where they may. Eventually it will need to get addressed and who says it has to be you? Do you really want to go down in the history books as the Town Crier of the family? You already know darn well that nagging doesn't make it happen.
If you let things go - here is what you will discover: More time for yourself. More baths. More relaxation. Less worry and stress. And more love. You will start to see change. It might not show up immediately but it will come. If you surrender; and let go it will come. Alliance is the opposite of dictatorship. Align with your man and reap the rewards. And if you find that receiving is actually too difficult to do on your own then consider bringing on a coach to help you access it.
Some Do's
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
A Nice Shout out from Ad Hustler
Brandon Hoffman aka Ad Hustler is one Righteous Dude. We met at the Affiliate Summit East 09 here in Gotham. He has written a nice piece about me on his site. I will be featured as a guest blogger and looking forward to giving some good juice to his peeps!
Read it here:
http://www.adhustler.com/introducing-kim-ann-curtin-adhustlercom-life-coach/
http://www.adhustler.com/
Read it here:
http://www.adhustler.com/introducing-kim-ann-curtin-adhustlercom-life-coach/
http://www.adhustler.com/
Kim's next Workshop @ 24 Seven 8/24/09
Tools & Tactics To Help You Stand Out In This Tough Job Market
August 24, 2009
6:30 PM to 8:00 PM
Soho Office, 120 Wooster St. b/t Prince and Spring, 4th Floor
24 Seven is hosting a workshop with TheCoachShoppe.com’s Founder & Life Coach Kim Ann Curtin. Having worked previously for 10 years as an Executive & Personal Assistant to CEO’s Kim excelled at making the impossible happen time and again.
Known to her friends as “Kim Possible;” she will share her most unusual techniques for standing out in a tough job market; negotiating a lower credit card rate; getting past gate keepers; charming decision makers; negotiating “long wait” appointments; securing hard to get show tickets; as well as how to secure a cab in the rain! Learn how to open doors for yourself in all areas of your life.
You will engage in group participation as well as individual exercises such as:
1) Phone Seduction
2) Physical Invisibility and Notice-ability
3) How to Get Past Gate Keepers
4) Charming the Decision Makers
If you feel stopped by the word "No" and think that only the lucky people win at this game of life than this is the workshop for you. If you are ready to create an extraordinary and exciting life then bring your current challenges and learn how to approach them in a brand new way.
You will have fun; learn new techniques and find out the secrets of successful people everywhere. In this Hands-on workshop Kim will do “Solution Solving” for a select group of participants. Everyone will participate in powerful and creative group exercises. If you are ready to open all the closed doors in your life, this workshop is for you.
August 24, 2009
6:30 PM to 8:00 PM
Soho Office, 120 Wooster St. b/t Prince and Spring, 4th Floor
24 Seven is hosting a workshop with TheCoachShoppe.com’s Founder & Life Coach Kim Ann Curtin. Having worked previously for 10 years as an Executive & Personal Assistant to CEO’s Kim excelled at making the impossible happen time and again.
Known to her friends as “Kim Possible;” she will share her most unusual techniques for standing out in a tough job market; negotiating a lower credit card rate; getting past gate keepers; charming decision makers; negotiating “long wait” appointments; securing hard to get show tickets; as well as how to secure a cab in the rain! Learn how to open doors for yourself in all areas of your life.
You will engage in group participation as well as individual exercises such as:
1) Phone Seduction
2) Physical Invisibility and Notice-ability
3) How to Get Past Gate Keepers
4) Charming the Decision Makers
If you feel stopped by the word "No" and think that only the lucky people win at this game of life than this is the workshop for you. If you are ready to create an extraordinary and exciting life then bring your current challenges and learn how to approach them in a brand new way.
You will have fun; learn new techniques and find out the secrets of successful people everywhere. In this Hands-on workshop Kim will do “Solution Solving” for a select group of participants. Everyone will participate in powerful and creative group exercises. If you are ready to open all the closed doors in your life, this workshop is for you.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Kim's Workshop: Are You What You Want to Be Now That You've Grown Up?
Are You What You Want to Be Now That You’ve Grown Up?
August 03, 2009 6:30 PM to 8:00 PM
Soho Office, 120 Wooster St. b/t Prince and Spring, 4th Floor
24 Seven is hosting a workshop with TheCoachShoppe.com’s Founder & Life Coach Kim Ann Curtin. Having worked previously for 10 years as an Executive & Personal Assistant to CEO’s in banking & finance; Kim will share her journey of how she found her new career after 40; and teach you how to discover your true path.
You will engage in group participation as well as individual exercises such as:
1) Discovering Your Wants & Needs
2) How to Hear Your Calling
3) When & How to take the First Step
If you are not doing what you love or settling in some way; if you are tired of replacing X with Y in your job search; if you feel stuck and unsatisfied then it’s time to get off the hamster wheel once and for all.
You will learn how to listen to yourself in a new way so you can be the Hero of your own life. Kim will explain how to begin your Hero’s journey and what it will require of you. Bring with you a list of the jobs you’ve loved and hated and why.
Kim will lead group exercises that will be informative, fun and facilitate powerful breakthroughs. This workshop is for those who are tired of settling and ready to live the life they’ve been waiting for.
**Please note: Be sure you check your schedule and can attend the class and/or workshop before confirming registration. 24 Seven workshops and classes are non-refundable and non-transferable. Thank you for your cooperation.
$30 for Premier Members$35 for Members
Can't wait to read this book! The Other Within by Daniel Deardoff
Daniel Deardorff knows otherness firsthand. This highly regarded “singer” in the old sense of that word—musician, storyteller, maker of ritual—had polio as an infant and has used a wheelchair most of his life, giving him a lived perspective that deeply informs his views on this subject. In The Other Within, Deardorff starts with a radical notion: to disclose the blessings of outsiderhood, the many gifts and insights contributed to culture by the marginalized and outcast. Unlike studies that stress the plight of the outsider, this one asserts that to be cast down and out of the consensus-worldview affords a difficult yet significant opportunity: to encounter oneself, not as defined by society but as one actually is. An eloquent spokesman for “the man or woman on the weird road,” Deardorff presents dozens of powerful examples from myth and literature to illustrate his message in a richly allusive, complex series of essays. Drawing on the work of mythologians, poets, psychologists, and scholars, The Other Within takes readers on an initiatory journey, uncovering the roots of human identity and imagination and offering insights–including “trickster wisdom”—revealing the mythic underpinnings of everyday life. This second edition includes updated text, a new introduction, and a helpful glossary. ~Amazon Review
Thank you Charles Lawrence for this wonderful rec!
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Thursday, July 16, 2009
MainStreet.com
Kim's Wall Street Coaching featured in MainStreet.com
Click Here to read:
http://www.mainstreet.com/article/career/work/life-balance/wall-street-s-resident-life-coach-she-s-free
Sunday, June 28, 2009
I'm Angry
"Our feelings control us when we subvert them and are no longer aware they exist." ~Theodore Isaac Rubin, MD
I'm Angry. Yep, really angry. Seething; furious; upset; frustrated. I'm filled with disgust and disdain. These are feelings I'm not used to; nor comfortable with. Most of you know me as Little Miss Sunshine, Happy-go-lucky and Rebecca of Sunny Brook Farm.
Anger scares me. I feel as though I'm ill equipped to cope with this emotion. I'm afraid it will take me over in some way. Yet, I'm not going to deny it or ignore it or push it away this time. I feel like a foreigner in new country experiencing strange customs and bizarre encounters. And I'm uncomfortable and somewhat exhilarated to see who I will be and what I will experience on this new journey.
Anger is a part of being human - one thread in the tapestry of the human experience. Of course I've known this intellectually for a long time. But have I let myself embrace my anger? No. Thanks to my own work with my coach, I'm intentionally creating a space in my life for my anger. It is taking some effort because it's so new for me to stay with it not ignore nor deny it. I'm also up against centuries' of cultural conditioning that has labeled anger; wrong, bad even evil. For women especially to feel anger not to mention express it - is still taboo.
Anger Insight #1
You don't have to actually DO anything about your anger.
Oh you may, of course:
*Take a knife to a huge watermelon
*Scream into your pillow every curse word you know
*Throw plates into your fireplace
*Listen to loud head banging music
*Dance/Thrash/Exercise it consciously through your body
*Journal with a red pen
*Watch Clint Eastwood movies
But creating a space for you to be with your anger doesn't mean you have to tell your boss off, curse out a relative or tell your lover to go to hell. All you need to do is feeeeel it and not rush past it. It won't be pleasant and that's okay, you'll survive.
That belief was one of the reasons I've kept mine at bay. I thought you had to act when you felt anger. That it required an external response in some way, a sort of "announcement." This is a misnomer. On occasion we will be called to act and express it, you betcha! And yet most times our anger will ask of us to simply give it room and time to process. So let it. Let it breath, seethe, flare and flame. Acknowledging it, allowing it and accepting it will do you a world of good. And like a storm at sea it will pass. No emotion lasts forever.
How do you do with your anger? Do you make it wrong or feel guilty or bad when it shows up? It's the bastard child, we've all been taught to disown and abandon. We shut it up and out with overeating; drinking; drugs; TV; sex and overworking. And we wonder why we have violence in our streets and our homes. To deny it causes either a slow toxicity within creating disease or an explosion of verbal or physical hostility.
In this angry mood today I rode the subway and met Deidre. We both shared our anger about the subway system and the impending fare hike; we complained about our politician's in Albany. We ranted and moaned. If I had over-heard this conversation in the past I'd have judged it as "negative" or made it wrong in some way. Meanwhile it helped us to both "clear." Feeling our feelings, and expressing them enables us all to both move forward with our day not to mention our life.
Anger awakens us. You feel alive after you've fully experienced it. And what's so amazing is that no one need know. It's yours and yours alone. Just like being in love. Or experiencing grief. Or joy. Or relief. Taste your feelings even the ones that you've denied....let them sit on your tongue and savor each one. This is what it means to be alive. What it means to be human. There's bitter and there's sweet. And they all have a place on the palate of our life.
In The Angry Book by Dr. Theodore Isaac Rubin he opens with this quote from Joseph Conrad; "There is no rest for a messenger 'til the message is delivered." Allow the messages your Being needs to deliver to yourself to finally arrive. Bar none. And finally you will rest easy.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Spiritual Enlightenment: The Damnedest Thing by Jed McKenna
Stake life upon truth. ~JuvenalThis book is sublime. Truth after truth after truth. Your foundations will be shook and you probably won't be happy about it; at least not initially. But truth ain't about happy; it's about truth.
Some Jems:
"Enlightenment isn't when you go there, it's when there comes here."
"You're either awake or you're not."
"I'll tell you what I wish someone had told me when I was feeling confused and alienated. I wish someone had told me that there wasn't something wrong with me and that I shouldn't be trying to make it right; that I should stop trying to pound a square peg into a round hole. I wish someone had told me that I wasn't like everyone else not because I was defective, but because I was designed for other things. Being different might seem like a curse, but the important part is that it's also a blessing. I wish someone had told me to stop trying to fix the curse part and start figuring out the blessing part."
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Rule #1 When the Going Gets Tough, The Tough Relax
"Don't let fear undermine your chance to do that one thing you've wanted to do." ~Alan M. Webber
Yesterday afternoon I spent over three hours with the one and only Alan M. Webber. Alan is the cofounding editor of Fast Company magazine and former editorial director of the Harvard Business Review. His new book is titled, Rules of Thumb: 52 Truths for Winning at Business without Losing Yourself. My dear friend, Alex von Bidder arranged our meeting. Alex knows that my journey as an entrepreneur challenges me at times and he knows this man is a Jedi Master.
I was a nervous wreck as I entered the lobby of his hotel. Where do I begin? How should I be? Do I ask a lot of questions? Or do I just be quiet and sit in awe? This is a once in a lifetime opportunity, I'd said to myself; I'd better not blow it. Then I remembered his Rule #1: When the Going Gets Tough, The Tough Relax and I started to calm down.
In this 52 potato-chip size chaptered book, Alan's Rule #1 is definitely one of the more important rules. In it, he speaks about a critical interview he is about to give when at the last minute he realizes his anxiety about how it "should go" is about to sabotage the way it "will go." In addition to each brief yet powerful vignette he concludes each chapter with a "So What?" And Rule #1's "So What?" is this:
"W. Edwards Deming is famous for his fourteen-point program which includes: "Drive out fear, so that everyone may work effectively for the company." What he didn't say is that the place to start is with you. Anytime you approach a task with fear you are at least a double loser. First, you color the work with fear and increase the chances of failure. Confidence and composure trump fear every time. Second, you guarantee that you won't enjoy the experience. Whether you succeed or fail, wouldn't you like to remember the experience as one you enjoyed, not one you suffered through?"
This rings through my ear as I wait. And I promise myself that I will enjoy myself and this amazing man, and let go of how I "should be" and just be me and enjoy this time with him. And boy did I enjoy my time with him! Alan is incredibly down to earth, has an incredible wit, all in addition to being a genius. (He also does a mean imitation of Don Corleone.) He put me instantly at ease and thanks to that; I was able to learn so much. I don't know about you but the only teachers I've ever learned from in school were the ones that put me at ease and made me feel as though I was capable. That is another one of Alan's gifts; his ability to hold you as though you are capable of anything.
And as I asked him how to take my coaching to the next level and how to approach new opportunities, I felt like I was with an old friend. What's so amazing about Alan and his Rules of Thumb is that you feel his warmth and clarity. How he is in the book, is how he is in person. A combination of sage-like wisdom, great humor along with powerful story telling and coaching.
A few other favorite chapters from the book:
Rule #6 If You Want to See With Fresh Eyes, Reframe the Picture
Rule #9 Nothing Happens Until Money Changes Hands
Rule #11 We've Moved From an Either/Or Past to a Both/And Future
Rule #16 Facts are Facts; Stories Are How We Learn
Rule #21 Great Leaders Answer Tom Peters' Great Question: "How Can I Capture the World's Imagination?"
Rule #24 If You Want to Change the Game, Change the Economics of How the Game is Played
Rule #29 Words Matter
Rule #31 Everything Communicates
Rule #46 Tough Leaders Wear Their Hearts on Their Sleeves.
And then there is Rule #53 which is where Alan invites you to write your own rule. My Rule #53 is: Be Your Own Hero. And the greatest part of that rule is that being your own hero doesn't mean you can't have other heroes. Alan M. Webber is one of mine. And I've no doubt that after you read Rules of Thumb he will be yours as well.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Space Clearing Your Life
Kim's Space Clearing Altar
"It is your work to clear away the mass of encumbering material of thoughts, so that you may bring into plain view the precious thing at the center of the mass." ~Robert Collier
Some of you know that I got rid of a lot of papers of my mom back in January. I shared how letting go of them was huge for me, a physical and spiritual letting go of the past. What I didn't tell you is that there was one box of papers I couldn't and didn't let go of. It was the only one I felt unready to release for a myriad of reasons. I'm happy to report that I have finally let that box go.
A friend had suggested I do a Space Clearing in light of this release. She introduced me to Felix Conradi, a professional Space Clearer and his business, http://creatingspaces.com/. Felix was trained by the world famous Feng Shui expert, Karen Kingston. He is one of the most powerful yet gentle men that I've ever met. Felix's Space Clearing for me last Saturday was a profound experience and it continues to be so. I've been wanting to write about it but felt unable to even articulate it until now.
This was more than just a space clearing of my living space, this experience, ceremony to be more accurate, was really a psychic, emotional, spiritual and physical clearing of my life as well.
What is a Space Clearing? Feng Shui is the ancient oriental art of enhancing and harmonizing the flow of energy in your surroundings. Karen Kingston pioneered the study of a specialized branch of Feng Shui called Space Clearing. By applying these principles you enhance the flow of energy, clear "stuck" energy and create sacred space in your home and/or workplace which of course translates into your life.
This was more than just a space clearing of my living space, this experience, ceremony to be more accurate, was really a psychic, emotional, spiritual and physical clearing of my life as well.
What is a Space Clearing? Feng Shui is the ancient oriental art of enhancing and harmonizing the flow of energy in your surroundings. Karen Kingston pioneered the study of a specialized branch of Feng Shui called Space Clearing. By applying these principles you enhance the flow of energy, clear "stuck" energy and create sacred space in your home and/or workplace which of course translates into your life.
Two Steps to Clear Out Clutter:
1.) What does this item do for me energetically?
Ask yourself this question about everything in your space, including pictures and furniture: "Does my energy lift or does it drop when I think about it or look at this item?" According to Karen in her book, Sacred Space with Feng Shui, Learn The Art of Space Clearing and Bring New Energy into Your Life, what usually stops people from clearing clutter is the phrase "just in case." "Just in case, I can never afford or find this again." Which really means preparing for a situation of neediness in the future, it sends a message to the Universe that you don't trust it to provide for you. If you haven't used it in a year or it pulls you down, clear it out; don't let the fact that it's an heirloom, a gift from a favorite relative or friend, stop you! Give it away, throw it away or have someone come and take it away. This will open up space literally and figuratively to allow the things you DO want in your life to show up. You must open up space so that what you want will have room to arrive. "Realize that everything you own holds your attention." Ask yourself is THAT really worthy of your attention?
2.) Give yourself space to do this
It's emotional, getting rid of old letters, photos, knick knacks, framed pictures and mementos. Sifting through will bring up lots of emotions. All of what we own reminds us of the emotions that have lived and still live within us, be it past relationships, family dynamics, regretful decisions, happy and sad events, love found and love lost. Doing this will take a lot out of you. Be gentle with yourself, and give yourself the space to feel your feelings when they show up. Do what you can, one drawer at a time if you need to break it down and do take breathers that are either hours, days or weeks long. Just keep at it until you're done.
After the ceremony, I found myself the next day clearing out even more! I was able to let go of things I thought I'd never let go of. I've released so many things including a slew of books! Now I do LOVE my books and yet I've pulled over 100 of them from my shelves and am ready to let them go. Now others will enjoy them. I also cleared out my cell phone of phone numbers and text messages whose time had come to let go of. And I deleted thousands of emails - either sent or received. What a huge relief! I can describe it as a new energy in me and in my apartment. A sense of lightness and buoyancy. All these cobwebs I didn't even know where hanging round, are now clearly GONE.
It's been quite an emotional road, I won't kid you. I still feel exhausted from the ceremony and not quite on steady ground. I'm adjusting to a large wide open sacred field that is now within me and my home. Having been away from that for what I believe has been years, at first feels overwhelming. So I'm being gentle with myself as I adjust to this new sacred space that I've created within myself and my life. I'm being careful about how I speak to myself; and what and with whom I welcome into it.
And there is more to be done. There are some files of my business that I still need to sort through and toss what is no longer necessary. But my body and spirit will tell me when it's ready to do that. And there are a couple of other boxes of old mementos, meaningful letters and pictures that I haven't had the heart to go through yet either. But this is about a new way of living and that doesn't have to happen over night.
They say that Gandhi could fit all that he owned in a shoe box. Well I might not qualify for a shoe box yet, but I'm a heck of a lot closer than I've ever been before and it feels like I've lost a thousand pounds.
Karen mentions Stuart Wilde's book, The Secrets of Life, where he has this passage, "On making life sacred": How does something become sacred? It becomes sacred by people saying, "This is sacred." There is no other way. So how do you make your life sacred? You say, "This is sacred," and you treat it that way.
Here's to your sacred space and your sacred life. Namaste.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
The Soloist
True friendship isn't about being there when it's convenient; it's about being there when it's not.
What I enjoyed most about the Soloist is that it let's us see that true friendship isn't about "fixing" the other one or the situation they are in -but about showing up and really being there. This doesn't mean we don't pitch in where and when we can! But it does mean that even after we've done that - don't be expecting some sort of fairytale ending. Life takes time to shift, and sometimes it's so slow and subtle that we think nothing is having an impact and it's easy to lose heart - but that just might be when the seeds are about to sprout.
There are more then a few moments in my own life, especially when I was without a home, when friends easily could have given up on me. Said to themselves - the life this girl is living is too much; too convoluted, confusing, messy, overwhelming and walked. Actually, some friends did. But the ones that stuck around - well they are the reason, I'm still here. I survived, because in spite of there being no easy solution, eventually solutions and answers were found. If it wasn't for them being in it for the long haul, I don't know if I could have made it through myself.
Who has helped you, in spite of there being no quick fix? Who has stuck by your side and just sat with you when you needed to cry? Who has listened to you, without advice, holding only space for you that allowed you to express your pain, your questions, your rage? Can you remember the huge impact it had on you? Do you remember feeling empowered afterward? As though - now you could go on?
When was the last time you did this for someone? Just BEEN THERE. It truly is a courageous act to not fix, not solve, just be with someone in their need. To sit with someone in their pain, feel it and wait. Waiting it out with them is not easy, it's hard. If you're not sure how one does this effectively, then see The Soloist and learn from Mr. Steve Lopez as he demonstrates what it looks like. It's a gorgeous sight to behold.
True friendship is of course about doing, just remember that sometimes it's about being.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Honor Your Self-Mother Today
An Open Letter for those with less than ideal Mothers or no Mother at all:
I loved and still love my mother, don't get me wrong. But she wasn't an ideal mother. This takes a lot of courage for me to admit, even to myself, because on so many levels I felt love from her and with all I now know about her, I still would not trade her for anything, but in these years since her death I've had the freedom to slowly come to grips with just how mentally unhealthy she was and because of this how much wounding this caused that I continue to heal from.
So if your mother was less than ideal or if you grew up motherless, would you be willing to celebrate yourself today? Would you be willing to honor your own ability to self-mother yourself? (Male or female, we all have mothering qualities within us.) Because YOU are what has gotten yourself through all these years without one and that is one amazing feat and I say it's about time you honor yourself.
Buy yourself a beautiful bouquet of flowers today, take yourself out to brunch. Walk in the fresh golden air of this lovely day, in your favorite park and praise yourself for all you have been through and risen above, doing it all without the ideal mother's love. Allow Gaia, the Mother Goddess to cradle you. Honor and allow any pain, anger disappointment and grief you feel in the midst of this day as you watch what appear to be "perfect" mothers around you. Allow yourself to feel what you do without making any of it wrong or feeling guilty in any way.
For those unsure about what an ideal mother's love looks like here are some basic rights that we all have in every relationship, including with our mothers:
To feel safe in the relationship
To be treated respectfully
To not be abused verbally, emotionally, or physically
To be heard
To be appreciated and valued
To have your privacy and boundaries respected
To have your needs met
To feel good about yourself in the relationship
If these rights are not or were not honored by your mother, then I ask you to begin to honor them for yourself, in your own heart and with your own love.
I honor and give thanks to the amazing mother within you!
Wild Geese by Mary Oliver
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about your despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting --
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
the experiment, Wed. May 13 6-9pm in NYC
Do you consider yourself a Right Brainer or a Left Brainer? What's the difference? A Right Brainer is usually known as creative, intuitive and holistic: designers, inventors, teachers, storytellers. Left Brainers are known as more linear, sequential, analytical: lawyers, accountants, software engineers.
Dan Pink in A Whole New Mind, says we are now in the midst of a seismic shift moving from the logical to intuitive empathic world. Slowly, but surely, it's on its way, ready or not folks here it comes!
That's why I'm so excited to invite you to an amazing event that my friend and colleague Gina Rudan http://www.genuineinsights.com/ has created for us here in NYC ~in fact I've never heard of anything like this before!
It's called the experiment and it happens this Wed. May 13 from 6-9 pm at 1 River Place 3rd Floor, (42nd Street btwn 11 & 12th Ave.) It will be a multi-sensory collaborative experiment to engage creativity, innovation and co-develop. Left and Right Brainers will come together and help each other tap into our juice so we both benefit from one another.
It will be part workshop, part game-playing, part learning seminar, part networking. There will be an art exhibit, wine tasting, co-creation of ideas, game playing and cupcake eating all while a hip DJ spins music. All your senses will be stimulated.
You will leave learning how to harness and leverage your creative abilities; strengths and attributes from a personal branding perspective. You will walk away with Personal Branding strategies and ideas for garnering visibility so you can get the competitive advantage!
Inspired by Dan Pink and his book (He is a supporter of the event!) Gina will be airing her interview with him where he will share his personal ADVICE for all of us at the event.
The fee is $25 for my peeps. RSVP here http://www.genuineinsights.com/resources.php
(that's a 50% discount folks!) (And for you Lost fans - this ends just in time for the season finale!)
Email me for more information: kim@thecoachshoppe.com or call me if you would like to attend: 646-373-1282
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