Wednesday, August 19, 2009

The Thermostat & The Hole

~This is my first posting as a guest blogger on

A few years back I made a slew of cash in a very short amount of time. I was working at a hedge fund and I received a sign on bonus as well as two more generous ones over the year.

Having grown up with a mom who always struggled with money I remember feeling a little unusual about all the money I was making. Not that I didn’t love every minute of it; because I did. It was remarkable to not have to bring out a calculator every time the urge to purchase something came about. Yet I found it to be somewhat unfamiliar and even at times a little nerve-wracking grappling with the question, “How did this change in circumstances just like that – occur?!”

And I was also aware of my concern that it might all disappear – just like that. Other people who receive a lot of money at once sometimes have an opposite reaction they start to feel as though it will always continue and they will never run out. But I felt more of a kinship with the infamous stories of lottery winners that within a short time ran through their money. Why was that?! I sure as heck didn’t want to be one of them.

Being an affiliate marketer you might be experiencing some of these thoughts yourself. Shocked, excited, and or anxious and nervous that it won’t last so you are spending it like a little kid in a candy shop – scooping up all the candy you can carry home. Who can blame you? It’s new and it feels good to show off in front of your buddy what you have created for yourself. I’m all about celebrating yourself and your wins but as a life coach I’m here to make sure that you also keep earning the money and that you don’t go and blow it all at once on candy that will just get you sick of in a few days or months.

Back to the lottery winners who in a short amount of time go right back to an empty bank account. I now know that the reason this happens is that what is believed in our unconscious is what will determine our circumstance. There is a pre-set thermostat that lives inside all of us which is our self-image. If we want money and abundance to continue in our life – we need to examine the beliefs we have about it being in our life in the first place. We have to take a look at our self and see if we truly feel having it feels like it fits, is familiar and/or is what we have perceive as normal and if it doesn’t; than no matter how much external effort we exert – including will power - will ever be able to keep it from slipping through our hands. Eventually our pre-set thermostat will take us back to what it considers our “setting” unless we re-wire the setting on that thermostat. As a coach this is one of the first things that I ask people to take a look at, what are their limiting beliefs? Having those beliefs brought into the light has a remarkable ability to stop them dead in their tracks.

Additionally what is also interesting is that in spite of the money and any new found bling -we might find that we feel empty inside. You hear about it all the time someone buys a hot new car and has a fab new apartment and yet they still don’t feel good about themselves. So they keep numbing out either with shopping, food, drink, drugs and/or sex. They aren’t even enjoying any of those things –it is just this fruitless attempt to fill what feels like a hole inside. Again this is about our self image. As Maxwell Maltz, MD says, “Self image - it is the common denominator.” In the book, The New Psycho-Cybernetics he discusses that “To really live and find life satisfying you must have an adequate and realistic self-image that you can live with. You must find your self acceptable to you. You must have a wholesome self-esteem; a self that you can trust and believe in; a self that you are not ashamed to be and one that you can feel free to express creatively rather than hide or cover up.”

So if indeed you struggle with feeling inadequate or unacceptable realize you are in the majority. We all struggle against feelings of inadequacy but our peace of mind is closer that we realize. It will take some effort but not nearly as much as one would imagine. There are terrific books available to help you to get clarity; as well as personal development courses and even one on one coaching. All of them will on differently levels make you aware of your limiting beliefs.

If you feel you have identified with some of what this posting is addressing the first thing I want you to do is celebrate yourself and acknowledge how self aware you are and that you are indeed “awake.” It takes courage to admit it to yourself; now you need to take the next step. Whether it is buying a book taking a development course or hiring a coach; the key is to keep going. Don’t stop. You are more than half way there. Winston Churchill said it best; “If you find yourself going through hell, keep going.” It might get hot but you will have your thermostat permanently re-set where you want it for the rest of your life. And that is worth more than any bling I’ve ever seen.

Thanks again to Brandon Hoffman aka Ad Hustler for letting me be a guest blogger on Brandon is the King of Affiliate Marketing - if you want to know more about affiliate marketing check out

Soft Soft Soft

Want him to be more of a man? Try being more of a woman.
~Coty Perfume Ad

I've had a few experiences recently that have troubled me. I've been witnessing a lot of women telling their men what to do. At parties, on the subway, and even in public on the street. And not in a "Hey this is what I need and what do you need from me, honey?" sort of way but in a "This is HOW you do it, if you want to do it RIGHT" sort of way. It's brutal. And I find it emasculating. It's as though these woman are their man's mother; not their partner.

Last week walking down the street I asked a couple who were pushing a carriage for directions to a restaurant. I happened to direct the question to the guy. He started to tell me how to get there, when his wife interrupted him to tell me the "better" way to go. I looked at her thinking; "Are you serious?" But she didn't notice. Then I looked at him and saw a look on his face of resignation and apathy. Clearly he had been through this before and wasn't surprised by her interruption.

Now I realize this isn't every woman out there. And I also know that there are men that do this very thing to their women. But I've been surprised at how many women seem to be doing this to their men. I believe this is due to what is known as the "Wonder Woman" syndrome. I first learned about this from author Laura Doyle years ago. She wrote an amazing book (which I featured in my first blog posting) called The Surrendered Wife.

Women are incredibly capable. We keep so many balls up in the air at once. We are always juggling and are so good at it, that sometimes we ride rough-shod over our man because we are so busy being busy and doing it all. We start to act as if it ALL depends on us. And sometimes it feels like it does. But in actuality, it doesn't. But living as though it does - we create a very lonely world to live in as well as a world where we do all the work.

When you think that your way is the right way - or the only way, who wants to come up to bat when it's guaranteed that their contribution will be shot down. Ask yourself - and be honest - is it possible that you are blocking the very contribution you seek? Have you pushed help away because it didn't show up in exactly the way you wanted it to show up?

How about compliments? Do you receive them? The last time your man offered you a gift did you gracefully receive it? Or tell him he couldn't afford it? When he offered to help you with a errand or task, did you tell them him e-x-a-c-t-l-y how he should do it? When he complimented your hair, dress or figure? Did you respond that it really wasn't all that? These are some examples of not receiving. Try stepping into receiving and gratitude. Take it all in -as it is given - and enjoy it without critiquing it or him. Don't control it - just let it arrive and softly land.

So what comes first the chicken or the egg? What if you are walking around with the belief "It all depends on me!" You know the saying about self-fufilling prophecies, don't you? Perhaps if you let it go and surrender - he will organically start to do what he needs to do and I wouldn't be surprised possibly even more.

Nobody likes to be bossed around. Everyone resists it. Nobody likes to be told how to live; not to mention how to clean the dishes. Stop trying to fix and make everything perfect around you. If your man won't do something then let it not get done. You don't have to fix it.

Let those socks sit in the living room. Let the chips fall where they may. Eventually it will need to get addressed and who says it has to be you? Do you really want to go down in the history books as the Town Crier of the family? You already know darn well that nagging doesn't make it happen.

If you let things go - here is what you will discover: More time for yourself. More baths. More relaxation. Less worry and stress. And more love. You will start to see change. It might not show up immediately but it will come. If you surrender; and let go it will come. Alliance is the opposite of dictatorship. Align with your man and reap the rewards. And if you find that receiving is actually too difficult to do on your own then consider bringing on a coach to help you access it.

Some Do's

  • Do let your man play, change the diaper, feed, talk, be with, the children his way. He isn't ever going to show up with the kids the way you do - nor should he. He has his way of showing up. Let him be himself.

  • Let the guy drive when he is driving. No short-cut advice. No, "we should have taken that highway" recap. Let it go. Relax. Get to the party 15 minutes late. It isn't worth the price of telling your man that you don't trust him to get you there all on his own.

  • When your man shares with you his distress or confusion regarding a choice he must make at either the office or with his friends, resist the urge to solve it, instead tell him you trust his judgment and will support him in his decision. And then do so.

  • Read the Surrendered Wife by Laura Doyle and learn what it is like to surrender and receive all that you are saying you really want!
  • Tuesday, August 18, 2009

    A Nice Shout out from Ad Hustler

    Brandon Hoffman aka Ad Hustler is one Righteous Dude. We met at the Affiliate Summit East 09 here in Gotham. He has written a nice piece about me on his site. I will be featured as a guest blogger and looking forward to giving some good juice to his peeps!
    Read it here:

    The Coach Shoppe's TV Debut on Blip TV

    Click here to view:

    Kim's next Workshop @ 24 Seven 8/24/09

    Tools & Tactics To Help You Stand Out In This Tough Job Market
    August 24, 2009
    6:30 PM to 8:00 PM
    Soho Office, 120 Wooster St. b/t Prince and Spring, 4th Floor

    24 Seven is hosting a workshop with’s Founder & Life Coach Kim Ann Curtin. Having worked previously for 10 years as an Executive & Personal Assistant to CEO’s Kim excelled at making the impossible happen time and again.

    Known to her friends as “Kim Possible;” she will share her most unusual techniques for standing out in a tough job market; negotiating a lower credit card rate; getting past gate keepers; charming decision makers; negotiating “long wait” appointments; securing hard to get show tickets; as well as how to secure a cab in the rain! Learn how to open doors for yourself in all areas of your life.

    You will engage in group participation as well as individual exercises such as:
    1) Phone Seduction
    2) Physical Invisibility and Notice-ability
    3) How to Get Past Gate Keepers
    4) Charming the Decision Makers

    If you feel stopped by the word "No" and think that only the lucky people win at this game of life than this is the workshop for you. If you are ready to create an extraordinary and exciting life then bring your current challenges and learn how to approach them in a brand new way.

    You will have fun; learn new techniques and find out the secrets of successful people everywhere. In this Hands-on workshop Kim will do “Solution Solving” for a select group of participants. Everyone will participate in powerful and creative group exercises. If you are ready to open all the closed doors in your life, this workshop is for you.

    Sunday, August 2, 2009

    Kim's Workshop: Are You What You Want to Be Now That You've Grown Up?

    Are You What You Want to Be Now That You’ve Grown Up?
    August 03, 2009 6:30 PM to 8:00 PM
    Soho Office, 120 Wooster St. b/t Prince and Spring, 4th Floor

    24 Seven is hosting a workshop with’s Founder & Life Coach Kim Ann Curtin. Having worked previously for 10 years as an Executive & Personal Assistant to CEO’s in banking & finance; Kim will share her journey of how she found her new career after 40; and teach you how to discover your true path.

    You will engage in group participation as well as individual exercises such as:
    1) Discovering Your Wants & Needs
    2) How to Hear Your Calling
    3) When & How to take the First Step

    If you are not doing what you love or settling in some way; if you are tired of replacing X with Y in your job search; if you feel stuck and unsatisfied then it’s time to get off the hamster wheel once and for all.

    You will learn how to listen to yourself in a new way so you can be the Hero of your own life. Kim will explain how to begin your Hero’s journey and what it will require of you. Bring with you a list of the jobs you’ve loved and hated and why.

    Kim will lead group exercises that will be informative, fun and facilitate powerful breakthroughs. This workshop is for those who are tired of settling and ready to live the life they’ve been waiting for.

    **Please note: Be sure you check your schedule and can attend the class and/or workshop before confirming registration. 24 Seven workshops and classes are non-refundable and non-transferable. Thank you for your cooperation.

    $30 for Premier Members$35 for Members

    Can't wait to read this book! The Other Within by Daniel Deardoff

    Daniel Deardorff knows otherness firsthand. This highly regarded “singer” in the old sense of that word—musician, storyteller, maker of ritual—had polio as an infant and has used a wheelchair most of his life, giving him a lived perspective that deeply informs his views on this subject. In The Other Within, Deardorff starts with a radical notion: to disclose the blessings of outsiderhood, the many gifts and insights contributed to culture by the marginalized and outcast. Unlike studies that stress the plight of the outsider, this one asserts that to be cast down and out of the consensus-worldview affords a difficult yet significant opportunity: to encounter oneself, not as defined by society but as one actually is. An eloquent spokesman for “the man or woman on the weird road,” Deardorff presents dozens of powerful examples from myth and literature to illustrate his message in a richly allusive, complex series of essays. Drawing on the work of mythologians, poets, psychologists, and scholars, The Other Within takes readers on an initiatory journey, uncovering the roots of human identity and imagination and offering insights–including “trickster wisdom”—revealing the mythic underpinnings of everyday life. This second edition includes updated text, a new introduction, and a helpful glossary. ~Amazon Review

    Thank you Charles Lawrence for this wonderful rec!