Sunday, May 17, 2009

The Soloist

True friendship isn't about being there when it's convenient; it's about being there when it's not.

What I enjoyed most about the Soloist is that it let's us see that true friendship isn't about "fixing" the other one or the situation they are in -but about showing up and really being there. This doesn't mean we don't pitch in where and when we can! But it does mean that even after we've done that - don't be expecting some sort of fairytale ending. Life takes time to shift, and sometimes it's so slow and subtle that we think nothing is having an impact and it's easy to lose heart - but that just might be when the seeds are about to sprout.

There are more then a few moments in my own life, especially when I was without a home, when friends easily could have given up on me. Said to themselves - the life this girl is living is too much; too convoluted, confusing, messy, overwhelming and walked. Actually, some friends did. But the ones that stuck around - well they are the reason, I'm still here. I survived, because in spite of there being no easy solution, eventually solutions and answers were found. If it wasn't for them being in it for the long haul, I don't know if I could have made it through myself.

Who has helped you, in spite of there being no quick fix? Who has stuck by your side and just sat with you when you needed to cry? Who has listened to you, without advice, holding only space for you that allowed you to express your pain, your questions, your rage? Can you remember the huge impact it had on you? Do you remember feeling empowered afterward? As though - now you could go on?

When was the last time you did this for someone? Just BEEN THERE. It truly is a courageous act to not fix, not solve, just be with someone in their need. To sit with someone in their pain, feel it and wait. Waiting it out with them is not easy, it's hard. If you're not sure how one does this effectively, then see The Soloist and learn from Mr. Steve Lopez as he demonstrates what it looks like. It's a gorgeous sight to behold.

True friendship is of course about doing, just remember that sometimes it's about being.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Honor Your Self-Mother Today

An Open Letter for those with less than ideal Mothers or no Mother at all:

I loved and still love my mother, don't get me wrong. But she wasn't an ideal mother. This takes a lot of courage for me to admit, even to myself, because on so many levels I felt love from her and with all I now know about her, I still would not trade her for anything, but in these years since her death I've had the freedom to slowly come to grips with just how mentally unhealthy she was and because of this how much wounding this caused that I continue to heal from.

So if your mother was less than ideal or if you grew up motherless, would you be willing to celebrate yourself today? Would you be willing to honor your own ability to self-mother yourself? (Male or female, we all have mothering qualities within us.) Because YOU are what has gotten yourself through all these years without one and that is one amazing feat and I say it's about time you honor yourself.

Buy yourself a beautiful bouquet of flowers today, take yourself out to brunch. Walk in the fresh golden air of this lovely day, in your favorite park and praise yourself for all you have been through and risen above, doing it all without the ideal mother's love. Allow Gaia, the Mother Goddess to cradle you. Honor and allow any pain, anger disappointment and grief you feel in the midst of this day as you watch what appear to be "perfect" mothers around you. Allow yourself to feel what you do without making any of it wrong or feeling guilty in any way.

For those unsure about what an ideal mother's love looks like here are some basic rights that we all have in every relationship, including with our mothers:

To feel safe in the relationship
To be treated respectfully
To not be abused verbally, emotionally, or physically
To be heard
To be appreciated and valued
To have your privacy and boundaries respected
To have your needs met
To feel good about yourself in the relationship

If these rights are not or were not honored by your mother, then I ask you to begin to honor them for yourself, in your own heart and with your own love.

I honor and give thanks to the amazing mother within you!

Wild Geese by Mary Oliver
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about your despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting --
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

the experiment, Wed. May 13 6-9pm in NYC

Do you consider yourself a Right Brainer or a Left Brainer? What's the difference? A Right Brainer is usually known as creative, intuitive and holistic: designers, inventors, teachers, storytellers. Left Brainers are known as more linear, sequential, analytical: lawyers, accountants, software engineers.

Dan Pink in A Whole New Mind, says we are now in the midst of a seismic shift moving from the logical to intuitive empathic world. Slowly, but surely, it's on its way, ready or not folks here it comes!

That's why I'm so excited to invite you to an amazing event that my friend and colleague Gina Rudan has created for us here in NYC ~in fact I've never heard of anything like this before!

It's called the experiment and it happens this Wed. May 13 from 6-9 pm at 1 River Place 3rd Floor, (42nd Street btwn 11 & 12th Ave.) It will be a multi-sensory collaborative experiment to engage creativity, innovation and co-develop. Left and Right Brainers will come together and help each other tap into our juice so we both benefit from one another.

It will be part workshop, part game-playing, part learning seminar, part networking. There will be an art exhibit, wine tasting, co-creation of ideas, game playing and cupcake eating all while a hip DJ spins music. All your senses will be stimulated.

You will leave learning how to harness and leverage your creative abilities; strengths and attributes from a personal branding perspective. You will walk away with Personal Branding strategies and ideas for garnering visibility so you can get the competitive advantage!

Inspired by Dan Pink and his book (He is a supporter of the event!) Gina will be airing her interview with him where he will share his personal ADVICE for all of us at the event.

The fee is $25 for my peeps. RSVP here
(that's a 50% discount folks!) (And for you Lost fans - this ends just in time for the season finale!)

Email me for more information: or call me if you would like to attend: 646-373-1282