Sunday, May 17, 2009

The Soloist

True friendship isn't about being there when it's convenient; it's about being there when it's not.

What I enjoyed most about the Soloist is that it let's us see that true friendship isn't about "fixing" the other one or the situation they are in -but about showing up and really being there. This doesn't mean we don't pitch in where and when we can! But it does mean that even after we've done that - don't be expecting some sort of fairytale ending. Life takes time to shift, and sometimes it's so slow and subtle that we think nothing is having an impact and it's easy to lose heart - but that just might be when the seeds are about to sprout.

There are more then a few moments in my own life, especially when I was without a home, when friends easily could have given up on me. Said to themselves - the life this girl is living is too much; too convoluted, confusing, messy, overwhelming and walked. Actually, some friends did. But the ones that stuck around - well they are the reason, I'm still here. I survived, because in spite of there being no easy solution, eventually solutions and answers were found. If it wasn't for them being in it for the long haul, I don't know if I could have made it through myself.

Who has helped you, in spite of there being no quick fix? Who has stuck by your side and just sat with you when you needed to cry? Who has listened to you, without advice, holding only space for you that allowed you to express your pain, your questions, your rage? Can you remember the huge impact it had on you? Do you remember feeling empowered afterward? As though - now you could go on?

When was the last time you did this for someone? Just BEEN THERE. It truly is a courageous act to not fix, not solve, just be with someone in their need. To sit with someone in their pain, feel it and wait. Waiting it out with them is not easy, it's hard. If you're not sure how one does this effectively, then see The Soloist and learn from Mr. Steve Lopez as he demonstrates what it looks like. It's a gorgeous sight to behold.

True friendship is of course about doing, just remember that sometimes it's about being.

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