Thursday, March 5, 2009

Run to the Roar

This blog posting here on 3/5/09 is my YES to fellow Greenlighter Scott Sonnon's challenge to post a hundred blog postings in a 100 days. Short term goal: finally have my ebook. Long term goal: Develop my brand. Scott is my Accountability Partner AKA Lifeline (discussed in Keith Ferrazzi's new book Who's Got Your Back.) I would love your advice and input thru this journey! Please share!

Who is Scott Sonnon:
What is a Greenlighter:

"Emotions are physical. Our bodies are the only place they can ever be found." ~Raphael Cushnir

Now that we are in our third month of the New Year most of us have fallen off our New Year's Resolution wagon. Usually this experience has a one-two punch. We haven't stuck to our much desired resolution and then the salt gets poured in the wound because we are furious with ourselves for not having the willpower to stick with it.

Thanks to Raphael Cushnir I want to suggest that more powerful than will power is emotional connection. In Mr. Cushnir's new book, The One Thing Holding You Back, we learn that when we engage in willpower we have two sides fighting against each other. The part that still wants to say... eat chocolate cake and the other part of us that does not. He suggests that willpower might work for a time, but usually there is a pushback that will ultimately occur in which the defeated part will express itself.

He speaks about our learning to connect to the emotions that are occurring in us when have a behavior we might call compulsive (or even addictive) shows up. He suggests that if we are not self-opposed we will have a better time sustaining our new behavior. Learning to NOT make ourselves wrong for the experience in the first place, is step one in our emotional connecting to what is going on for us.

He suggests a 2 X 2 approach. First 2: Place the mind's attention on emotional sensation in our body. Keep the attention there until is dissipates. Second 2: Slow down. Get microscopic.

Cushnir shows us that in our avoidance of uncomfortable feelings (sometime very uncomfortable feelings) that come up for us we inadvertently keep repeating the same old unsuccessful patterns again and again because we never fully connect to the emotions that need to be felt and he says that if we finally allow them to be experienced we will set ourselves free of them once and for all. The discomfort they bring us instinctively makes us shy away and he suggests if we can stay in that initial discomfort even a minute or two at a time, we will eventually break free of their powerful grip.

It makes me think of the story Run to the Roar. When lions are about to attack a prey they surround it by placing the youngest most agile lion opposite their oldest lion who has the most intimidating roar. When the prey hears the roar they run opposite it -right toward the young swift lion instead of the old man of the group.

As Cushnir says this is simple but not easy. So here is my suggestion, ask yourself what emotion/s do you always avoid? Give yourself privacy and space before and after this exercise because what might come up might be more than you expect. Allow the emotion/s to surface even if it is just for a minute or two at a time. BE WITH IT using the 2 X 2 process. Watch what happens, neutrally; don't make it "mean" anything, the less descriptive words the better.

Now you might need to repeat this process, especially for those with emotions that have been buried for years. They will take more time. But giving them space to be felt will mean they won't hold you back any more. This month's quote, We seek the teeth to match our wounds, comes from Cushnir's book because he says we must allow these wounds to heal so that we won't seek those same teeth any longer. Be gentle with yourself and respect your body/mind/spirit's ability to do this. Do this at your own pace. But do do it. It's time for you to not be held back. And the only way out is through. Run to your roar.

For More on Raphael Cushnir read:

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