The Looking Glass

My mother was my Catechism teacher when I was a young girl. One day in class she announced that at our next meeting, she would be showing us God's most precious gift. All the kids after class asked me how the heck did my mother get a hold of such a thing. I was as baffled as them. I had no idea and in spite of my pleading through out the week to please please pleeeease, tell me what it was, she refused and insisted I wait along with the rest of my classmates until the following class.

The day finally arrived and in the apartment we lived in we had a very long hallway in which each of us were instructed to walk down it, one at a time. When I arrived she asked me to close my eyes and when I opened them I would be looking at God's most precious gift. Excitedly I closed them, and opened them up to see my own reflection in a mirror. And she said in a solemn voice, "Take a close look, for what you see is God's most precious gift." I remember being speechless. Staggered even. It was a profound moment for me - as I believe it was for the rest of my class. Each child came back utterly silent and sat still until every one had completed that journey down the hall. We were at most 12 years old, but this profound message wasn't lost on a single one of us.

Early this morning I thought I would share in the blog posting today, an exercise that I had heard about and started but didn't continue. It was to say I love you to yourself every time you looked in a mirror. For either an entire week, month etc. Those who did it reported extraordinary results. I started it a few weeks ago and found it more challenging than I expected and at some point "forgot" about it. Until this morning. I didn't have time to write my posting this morning, so figured I would let the day guide me as to what to write.

Interestingly enought, tonight I had plans to attend a Wiccian ceremony for women to honor and welcome in the Spring Equinox. We also would be welcoming in the Goddess, Artha, the mother of fire and light, who comes to ask us to acknowledge the Goddess within. After walking through a Labyrinth we were then asked to look in a mirror to see and acknowledge the Goddess within.

I thought it so serendipitous that I would walk into this very ceremony tonight hours after feeling called to write about the I love you mirror exercise. And as I sat in front of the mirror this night looking through my tears for the Goddess within me not only was I blessed to see her if only for a flash, but I was also brought back to my 12 year old self in front of that mirror my mother held up to me so many years ago with it's powerful message.

Would you be willing to look in your mirror today and tell yourself that you are God's most precious gift? Would you be willing to look in the mirror and see your God/Goddess with in? Would you be willing to tell yourself that you love you? If your response is yes, to even one of these, then realize you and your journey here, won't ever be the same. Namaste.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” ~Marianne Williamson

Give it if you got it, Get if you don't

If I ever find truth I'm gonna let you know
If I ever find faith I'm gonna sit in every bit of its afterglow
If I ever find a way to bring love here today
You better bet your life that this is what I'll say
Give it if you've got it
Get it if you don't

Take my hand in the meantime
And let's walk into the sunshine
Everybody got something that they want to sing about, laugh about, cry about
It's true
For me it's you

Give it away, give it away, give it away
If it's something that you got layin' round your house
Man let me tell ya if ain't a kiss
It's something you'll never miss
Give it to somebody that don't have a thing layin' round like a prayer or a sweet sound
Give it if you've got it
Get it if you don't

Take my hand in the meantime
Let's walk into the sunshine
Everybody got something that they want to sing about, laugh about, cry about
It's true
For me it's you

Give it to somebody that don't have a thing
Ain't got socials to dis or a love song to sing - no
Get yourself on the right track
Let somebody ride your back for a while

If I ever find truth I'm gonna let you know
You better bet your life
if this is what I'm gonna say
just give it away
You can't take it where you're goin anyway

Take my hand in the meantime
And let's walk into the sunshine
Everybody got something they want to sing about, laugh about cry about it's true
For me it's you ~Train

This song by Train, captures the essence of what friendship does. The thing about friendship is that it isn't the place where people are always raising the bar for you or asking you to strive. Of course on occasion it happens but it isn't the standard. Friendship is the place where they accept you as you ARE and it's enough, in fact it's more than enough. True friendship is the place that feels like a well-worn pair of jeans. It doesn't mean true friends won't on occasion kick your ass however for the most part it's like coming home. The place where you can exhale.

I am the first to suggest folks have themselves a coach, mastermind team or as Keith Ferrazzi's advocates, a lifeline so you are "called forth." But we all need to have those friends in our life who will let us "sing, laugh, and cry."

I am so blessed, because I've always had incredible friends. They have loved me unconditionally in more ways then I ever knew was even possible to be loved. They have accepted my shortcomings, odd behaviours and peccadillo's with aplomb. They have given me loyalty worthy of royalty, rained generosity upon me, guided me with the wisdom of Solomon, shown me acceptance as though they were a parent and held me as though I were a sibling.

The value they bring to life is legion. Thanks to them, we are able to get out of bed on hard days, or shift out of a dark funk in the blink of an eye. Thanks to friendship we can find the strength we didn't know we had. True friends make us take a second look at ourselves and remind us when we forget - that there must be something there, if indeed this wonderful person chooses to have us in their life.

If right now you're feeling like you don't have these kind of pivotal relationships then like the songs says "Get it if you don't." How?

BE A FRIEND. The next time someone needs to talk, listen without solving anything. Be still and present and give them empathy. Soon enough you will find your life being showered with new friends. It does start with us, accept and love those in your circles for who they are NOW and not who they should BECOME. Love them in their fraility, confusion, uncertainity, insecurity and frustration.

Just take their hand and walk with them in the sunshine. And it will be enough, I promise you.
(#16 of the 100 Blog Posting Challenge)

Rule #6

Two prime ministers are sitting in a room discussing affairs of state. Suddenly a man bursts in, apoplectic with fury, shouting and stamping and banging his fist on the desk. The resident prime minister admonishes him: "Peter," he says, "kindly remember Rule Number 6," whereupon Peter is instantly restored to complete calm, apologizes, and withdraws. The politicians return to their conversation, only to be interrupted yet again twenty minutes later by an hysterical woman gesticulating wildly, her hair flying. Again the intruder is greeted with the words: "Marie, please remember Rule Number 6." Complete calm descends once more, and she too withdraws with a bow and an apology. When the scene is repeated for a third time, the visiting prime minister addresses his colleague: "My dear friend, I've seen many things in my life, but never anything as remarkable as this. Would you be willing to share with me the secret of Rule Number 6?" "Very simple," replies the resident prime minister. "Rule Number 6 is 'Don't take yourself so damn seriously.'" "Ah," says his visitor, "that is a fine rule." After a moment of pondering, he inquires, "And what, may I ask, are the other rules?"

"There aren't any."

Ain't that a gem? Sometimes I do take myself too damn seriously. I am stressed lately because business is slow. I've had to get creative and s-t-r-e-t-c-h myself in ways unexpected. One of the things that usually goes right out the window when I start to get uptight is my sense of humor. And that is so tragic because I really do have an excellent sense of humor! The bottom line is I need to remember that no matter what is going on: I'M ALIVE & I'M HEALTHY. And to not take myself or the sitch I'm in so seriously. That reminds me of this quote I heard the other day from a fomer POW: "Any day you wake up and you have a doorknob on your side of the door is a good day."

Like Julian of Norwich says, All will be well. All will be well and all manner of things will be well.

Rule #6 is from one of my ALL TIME FAVORITE BOOKS, The Art of Possibility by Rosamund and Benjamin Zander. This book will make you feel good no matter what life is dishing you. And I've no doubt what life is dishing you right now is more challenging than usual. Every chapter will give you a paradigm shift that will blow your socks off. I read it about a year ago and find it showing up again recently in my life. Maybe that is the Universe's way of telling me to re-read it.

It's profound without being "heavy" or "deep." It will provide laughter and turn lightbulb's on. It will shift something within your spirit that will wake you up, turn you on and clear your line of vision in a whole new way.

Remember Rule #6.
(#15 of the 100 Blog Posting Challenge)

The Hero Dog - It's About Taking the Time to Have Someone's Back

I know that it's so much easier to think about helping others when you have some extra. Be it time or money. It's normal. First let me get myself set up and then my house will be in order and THEN I'll have some "extra" for those around me. And I really want to clarify that I am not making anyone wrong for thinking this way. But since very little is ever black and white in this world, I was struck how sometimes self regard is all but thrown out the window for another especially after re-viewing this video.

I watched it again yesterday and realized for the first time that this Hero Dog - was "without" in as many ways as the dog struck down. This Hero Dog - was a stray - he wouldn't have been there in the first place if he had a home and owners who cared for him. He was on his own and still found himself risking all for another that he technically had no connection to at least in the way some folks would view it.

It reminded me of the experiment Malcolm Gladwell referenced in the Tipping Point. In this study, students at a Presbyterian theological seminary were asked to prepare a short talk on a biblical theme, then walk over to a nearby building to present it. “Along the way to the presentation, each student ran into a man slumped in an alley, head down, eyes closed, coughing and groaning. The question was, who would stop and help?” There were three variables measured in the experiment: the reason those students were studying theology in the first place, the topic they’d been asked to prepare, and the time they thought they had to get from one building to the next, to give their talk. Who stopped to help the man in trouble? Most people guess that the students who were entering the ministry to help people would stop . . . or that students who were on their way to speak about the Parable of the Good Samaritan (!) would stop. In fact, the study showed that only thing that mattered was whether the student was in a rush. 90 percent of the students who’d been told they were late ignored the man in trouble and went on their way. Of the group who knew they had time to spare, 63 percent stopped.*

Now those who didn't stop weren't "bad" or "wrong" in any way. But it is a place to look and get curious. What is it that we are all rushing to? What is it we are all really here for? What does it take to stop and really see what's important?

Every time we step out our door, every day -we take a risk. And it's so easy to not make it back to the place we started from in the morning, we all know that. Are we only here to walk out the front door and walk back in? I think not.

Thanks to this video this morning, I found myself in a conversation with a man I probably wouldn't have been in a conversation with under normal circumstances. We were both from different worlds, dare I say different castes (because really who are we kidding - we all know damn well that like it or not, we do seem to have that horrible system here even if we denounce it - we have the tendency to stay "within" our types. Be it race, ethnicity, gender, financial, or age. )

He started to lose his balance on the subway and I went to grab his over sized jacket to steady him from falling. Now I like to think that I would have done this regardless of this video and yet who knows! We both nervously laughed afterward and then I told him how I had just watched this video this morning and thought to myself, I think I'm being trumped by a doggie. And I don't like that! Stopping him from falling seemed to fall way short of what I had just witnessed a little dog do. We both spoke about how brave this dog was and how we both were unsure if we would have had the courage to have done it ourselves. He said he would look for the clip on You Tube when he got home later. And I swear every one around us was going to as well! We had a bit of a captive audience, these two people with nothing seemingly in common. It was a good subway ride! Not only for me and him but for everyone around us!

Yes, a dog is teaching me. And that's fine by me. I'm listening.

PS Keep in mind he isn't using his teeth - he is using his two front paws to drag him with.

(* from the Tipping Point) (#14 of 100 Blog Postings in 100 Day's Challenge)

Cutting Some Slack on the Paddy's Day Cross-Town

Well St. Patrick’s Day in New York this year might have been more of a zoo then normal today since this city is full to the brim with more than its fair share of stress. And who can blame folks for wanting to wipe it all away for a few hours or for a full day with some hooch when jobs are hard to come by and bills are stacking up. Revelry is a break from fear and the mundane. We all need the luck o’ the Irish right now, that’s for sure. But maybe more than luck we need to give each other the benefit of the doubt and cut each other a bit of slack.

On the cross-town bus today we had a heck of a detour due to the Parade. The bus was crowed and when I sat down, I noticed across from me this man’s bag accidentally knock into a ladies leg as he sat down next to her. She scowled at him and he seemed to apologize but she kept scowling and I kept trying to figure out what she was so mad at him for. In between her scowls she was working furiously on her blackberry. Her whole body posture and face, all of her being was stressing over whatever it was she was reading and responding to. I kept glancing at the man to see what it was that he was doing to cause her to keep looking up at him and give him the evil eye, but I couldn’t figure it out. Then it hit me. He was learning disabled. And I thought my goodness she took what happened with this guy personally and meanwhile the guy wasn’t intending any harm – he is just not aware. I thought gosh – how easy it is to presume someone is being rude to us when maybe they’re just oblivious. And then I started to get angry at her for being so hard on this simpleton.

This guy had no idea and yet she was making his actions “mean” to her that she was being dismissed in some way, disrespected even. And I thought my goodness that is the last thing this guy intends; he just doesn’t have a clue.

A few stops later he got off and as riders do we looked at each other and I said quietly, I think he was learning disabled. And she snapped back, “Yea, but did you smell his breath?! I just said no I didn’t and tried to smile at her.

Okay so here we have a guy learning disabled who has had a few too many. But I betcha, if she wasn’t in the stress of her situation on her blackberry, she probably wouldn’t have been that angry. If she could have seen his face, a sort of innocent wide-eyed look I imagine Lenny had from Of Mice & Men, she would have cut him some slack, whether drunk or not.

But her situation kept her from doing so. And that happens sometimes. Sometimes we are just too caught up in our own stuff to cut slack to those around us. Especially if we are in a bad place, we start seeing bad around us.
So I thought well how about I cut HER some slack. She is clearly having a hard day herself, and she just had to deal with her leg getting knocked with a bag and then smell a distillery on a stranger’s breath.

That’s when I realized my getting mad at her was just like her getting mad at him. She didn’t mean it, just like he didn’t mean it. And so I thought this is where I can do something to stop the pattern. Just give her a break.

What if the next time someone doesn’t hold the door for you – you imagine they just had their girlfriend break up with them. Or when someone jumps in front of you to sit down on the last subway seat you imagine that maybe they are so exhausted because they’re working three jobs to make ends meet. Or the guy who hits you with his bag has no idea that it even happened. Or the lady who is giving dirty looks is getting reamed at virtually by her boss.

Let’s give each other the benefit of the doubt, and maybe when we need it ourselves we’ll find it. (#13 of 100 postings in 100 days.)

Well Said

I must learn to love the fool in me—the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries. It alone protects me against that utterly self-controlled, masterful tyrant whom I also harbor and who would rob me of human aliveness, humility and dignity but for my fool. ~ Theodore I. Rubin

Treat a man as he is, and he will remain as he is. Treat a man as he could be and he will become what he should be. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

It's a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it. ~W. Somerset Maugham

I beg you...to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without ever noticing it, live your way in the answer. ~Rainer Maria Rilke

Listen to me there is not a gesture, even the most insignificant, that can't change the world. You see every detail, every gesture as slight as it may be reveals an infinity of truths and thus has endless repercussion and grandiose effects. You only have to piss in the sea to make the ocean rise. Don't they say the beating of a butterfly's wings over the Atlantic can cause a hurricane in the Pacific? So feel free sometimes to do something stupid, random and ludicrous. That stupid, random & ludicrous act can upset the order of the world. ~Happenstance

You are what you love, not what loves you. ~The Orchid Thief

Follow your bliss, find where it is and don't be afraid to follow it. ~Joseph Campbell

You don't have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body. ~CS Lewis

(#12 of the 100 posts challenge)

One Red Gerbera

I have a lot of work to do today. I'm tired and would rather relax and catch up on Lost episodes. I got up early and realized to get through what lie ahead I needed to do some "nice" things for myself to make it bearable. First stop, Tal Bagels. I love their flat bagles and having one always is a treat since I usually avoid these kind of carbs. Next I knew that if I made my desk more cheerful it would be less dreadsome to sit at it all day, so I set my Ipod up right next to me so I could keep it playing only on my fav songs (my friend Gina's good advice.) But my favorite gesture is the one red gerbera daisy I have sitting next to me. Such a simple gesture to have one live flower here in her little bud vase but what a difference it makes. She is blood red, very large, and stands here proud and beautiful. Every time I start to get frustrated I look at her beauty and escape for a minute. And the final gesture will be the reward of a nice long hot bath after all is complete.

What are you doing for yourself to acknowledge all your work and effort? When was the last time you bought yourself a flower, never mind a bouquet? When did you buy yourself a sweet tasty cupcake (w/ no guilt) and not share it with a single soul? When was the last time you gave yourself the afternoon off and visited a favorite bookstore or museum?
Maybe you can't afford those gorgeous Louboutin shoes, or take that trip to St. John, or go on that Golf outing. But you can give to yourself in small but meaningful ways. Take the time, make the space for it. Especially in this current environment. We all could use a break! We all need some R&R. Be it even an hour to nap, read, watch bad TV or walk on the river. Be good to yourself, someone has to be. (Posting #11 in the 100 posts in 100 days challenge)